From penis straws to puppy yoga: Inside the ‘zen do’ revolution

The traditional hen do is synonymous with chaos. Butlers in the buff. Vodka shots before noon. Strippers performing lap dances for the mother of the bride. I’ve been on several that have included not one but all three of these elements, alongside drinking competitions and tequila-fuelled games of Mr and Mrs. The format is well established in our sociological canon, something we can credit to pop culture, gender stereotypes – and, of course, America, where outrageous “bachelorette parties” are as much a rite of passage as getting your first period.

But times are changing. The raucous hen dos from the days of yore are being replaced by quieter, more relaxing alternatives. Introducing “zen dos”: the new age way some women are choosing to celebrate their impending nuptials by, well, chilling out a little bit. Encompassing wholesome, wellness-inspired activities like puppy yoga, sound baths, and full-blown spa days, zen dos are far more laidback than their bacchanalian counterparts.

The term itself has been steadily rising on Google Trends over the past month as wedding season approaches. Meanwhile, Airbnb has noticed an uptick in interest for its selection of villas and homes hand-picked for particularly meditative brides-to-be.

According to a recent survey by Hitched, a leading wedding planning website in the UK, the majority of modern-day brides wish to keep their hen dos on the quiet side, with 30 per cent of respondents saying they hoped for a calm, chilled affair rather than the classic late-night party vibe, which just 8 per cent said they wanted. The most popular type of zen do activity is a spa day with friends (40 per cent), followed by dinner and drinks (30 per cent), a cosy, crafty activity (19 per cent) and finally a good old-fashioned afternoon tea party (13 per cent).

“I think we’re all more considerate of our wellness now,” says Zoe Burke, editor at Hitched. “And perhaps as the age for getting married is that bit older (33 on average) people no longer want to hop from club to club and gawk at strippers. They want to actually spend real quality time with their closest friends.”

I’ve noticed this pivot among my friendship group, too, as we move into our thirties and that relentless thirst for hedonism is satiated and left behind in our previous decade. The first few hens I went to were by far the wildest; these days, they’re generally more low-key. Friends who are planning a hen do now are more likely to spend the weekend waterskiing, doing barre classes and going for long walks than they are going out on the town covered in garish sashes and penis-shaped paraphernalia.

There are several examples of zen dos on social media, with TikTok videos of zen dos showing hens enjoying everything from group workouts and outdoor cinema experiences to floral arrangement classes and meditation exercises. “I am regularly now being asked to run hen dos and bridal showers,” says Helen Fenton, a somatic yoga teacher based in Stockport who has been asked to lead women’s circles, meditation, yoga classes, as well as offering massage services for hen dos. “People are really getting into wellbeing rather than a huge booze-up.”

Fenton noticed the shift just after lockdown. “A lot of people improved their health and wellbeing through online classes and were exploring being sober,” she says. “I am finding brides would rather host a hen weekend at a cottage or country house, do things like walking, cooking and then yoga. I have been on a sober hen weekend where we did yoga in the morning, hiking and nice meals.”

A decrease in alcohol consumption among millennial women could have something to do with it. In 2021, NHS statistics revealed that 38 per cent of 16 to 24-year-olds and 21 per cent of 25 to 34-year-olds in England either don’t drink or haven’t drunk in the last 12 months. Meanwhile, in 2023, Nielsen data showed 45 per cent of Gen Z over 21 said they’d never drunk alcohol, while worldwide wine consumption dropped by 2.6 per cent in 2023. And it’s not just a bunch of numbers – you can witness the shift yourself by simply looking around. Every bar and restaurant now offers a far bigger selection of non-alcoholic drink options than they did even a few years ago.

It’s not hard to see the appeal. Planning a wedding is stressful enough, it makes sense to want to carve out some time to relax beforehand. Occasionally, though, there might also be underlying factors that render the typical booze-fuelled hen somewhat inappropriate. That was the case for Emily, 29, who had organised a weekend of debauchery abroad for her best friend – when plans quickly changed after she was diagnosed with a serious health condition.

“It meant she was limited on what she could eat, felt exhausted easily, and couldn’t drink alcohol anymore,” Emily recalls. “So I replanned it to be more of a zen do, and instead of going abroad to party, we rented a big house by the sea and stayed in playing games, eating a graze board of healthy food and getting to bed early. It was a mixed age group and everyone was more than happy to adjust to the bride’s capabilities with her only wish being to spend the weekend with her closest family and friends.”

In the end, everyone was actually grateful for the change in plans. “I think that the older I’ve got, and as the hangovers have become worse, I can accept alcohol doesn't really agree with me and I went away feeling like we had a really wholesome weekend, all enjoyed ourselves and went home not feeling awful or having spent a whole load of money with no real memory of what on,” she says.

The experience, while out of necessity rather than choice, proved somewhat transformative – and Emily has noticed friends planning similarly mellow hen dos in the same vein. “I would say a lot of hens, my friends in particular, aren’t too fussed about it being party-focused and instead prioritise spending time with loved ones,” she says. “However that may be as life is so busy we rarely get the time or opportunity to do that with everyone living so far apart too.”

It’s true that as we get older and our workloads increase alongside general adulthood responsibilities, there are far too few opportunities to spend quality time with friends. Hence why, when we do get the chance, we’re more inclined to enjoy them without getting so blackout drunk that we forget the entire thing, lost to the haze of vodka and Red Bull. A local zen do is likely to be a little bit cheaper, too, particularly if you compare it to an all-out Ibiza weekender.

I’m going to something of a zen do myself this weekend. We’re off to Cornwall, and on the agenda are fancy dinners out, games nights in, surfing, and sauna sessions. Maybe even a cold plunge. Frankly, as someone who resents the conventional hen do format to the extent that I once skipped out on one at the last minute even after having paid for it, I am relieved by this trend. My friends and I want to look after ourselves a little more now, which means drinking less, moving more, and getting eight hours sleep. So if this is the future of hen dos, sign me up.